I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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