I cannot find my penis.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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