New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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