im drinking this country out of the recession.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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