I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I deserve this hangover.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
