yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
