He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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