everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
