if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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