I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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