and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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