where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize