dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need water and some morals
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
