i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
