and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
