What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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