You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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