i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
