just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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