So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
