I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
