something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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