i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
