it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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