Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
