i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
how drunk are you?
Several
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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