I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
