I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
