Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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