Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
