I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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