I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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