I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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