SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
