I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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