plz talk dirty to me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
