we have officially lost it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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