Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
