I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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