Four minutes until I can fart!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
