end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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