I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
