Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
