ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
