I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize