Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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