You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
