I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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