is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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