THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
