When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
