While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
