I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
