ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
