He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
