Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
