I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
