a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
