look no pants
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
