I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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