apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
