I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
