I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
