Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
