my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
