who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
