How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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