if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
