i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
