I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
