Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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