i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
