and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
ok first of all what the fuck
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
