Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
